Ten days, ten nights

I can't deny it, I miss him. I knew I would. But I wont do anything any longer. I'm sorry. I'm so terribly sorry. But I can't do anything. I love you oh so much, but I can't do anything. I'm sorry...

Ten days it's been since the last time I wrote here. I mean everything, it still stands. But I'm so weak right now. So fragile. He's got what, like ten people ready to be with him, and I got none
no one
because I fucked up
put my life on parade and let people figure out how much a douche I am. It hurts. But it's alright. It's for the greater good, right? Yea it is. I love him, but I'll let him go. Maybe forever. Maybe just for now. Although, I'm pretty sure it's for good this time. Because hey, he gave up. I get that. I understand. I wouldn't want to wait either. Not this time. Too many chances. Too much wasted time.

Sigh.

Looking back, two years ago I was a completely different person. Last year in june, I was at this very state. Because of her. And here I am again, because of someone else, someone I thought I could always count on and rely on. I guess time really does have a way of changing things. People, anything. But it's alright. Some people come into your life for a reason, others just for a season. And even if he was just there for a while in the end, I'll be grateful for that. Because I love him with all I have in me. In the end of the day it was always him, wasn't it? Back in june last year it was him as well. I was devastated because I thought she was better for me, but it turned out she was just as bad. I was sad because I then had no one. No second choice no nothing. And here I am again. I just wish things would turn out better. For once. I just want things to work out. Back to when we were happy. Back to that day in the Japanese Gardens. Our nervous laughs, our silent walks. Back to the silent nights and even the tears in my eyes when we broke up the first time. We've been through so much, he and I.

 It's a shame it's over so soon.

I wish it didn't have to be like this ...