I don't for a second believe you

But I guess I should.
Accept my fate, lay in the bed that I've made.
The least I could do was clean up the mess. Be straight with you.

The easiest way is always to lie. I don't know anything else. As I've done so many times before I lied and said there's no hope. We both know that's not true.

I'm depressed. Unstable. Worn out.

Cause and effect of something I've done myself.

It doesn't matter now.
I'm gonna carry on. Get myself out of this depression. Win my battles. Get help.
And who knows. Maybe when all of this is over, maybe I'll bump into you again.
Maybe on purpose. Maybe by accident.
And if you happen to be as lonely as me, and have at least one good memory of me in your heart, maybe, and I pray to god, maybe things will be alright again.

We both know I function even worse without you there. These months, years, will be a hell for me.
But what can you do.
I have to
accept it.

Because with every harsh word, every insult, there's only love. I don't mean it, as I'm sure you know. I don't mean it. I never meant it. My heart says it's sorry, but actions speak louder than words and I just don't know how to show you that I love you more than anything.

I just don't know.

And that's why I do this. I try to protect you. From the mess that I am. And if you've given up this time, that's fine. But I'll keep fighting, that one day things will be fine. It may take years.

But I wont give up.

I hope you know that.