don't cry ♦

I wish I could be the one to tell you don't worry

But I can't be that man, just know that I'm sorry

Don't worry - Andrew

I'm currently feeling really weird.. I came home today after being with my best friend for the weekend and my mom greeted me. I sat with her talking on the porch for a few minutes and in those few minutes she managed to piss me off. I think I remained calm though..

She asked me "Are you a girl or a guy today?" So I responded, "I'm a guy, what a weird question to ask."

She looked at me with that disappointed look in her eyes and said, it's not weird, I gave birth to a girl. I remained silent, I hate discussing this and it usually doesn't end well anyway. So she proceeded to talk. "You're not getting an operation are you?" Of course I said, well, just my boobs. They're in the way and they make me unhappy. Everything else doesn't really matter to me.

That look again. "It's just a phase. Surgery is drastic."

I was so close to just shouting at her, telling her to shut up. I know what I am I wanted to tell her. I've always felt this way. I've always been awkward as a girl. I'm happy like this, and I know deep in my heart that happiness will come to me if I'm just satisfied with my appearance. You can't love anyone if you don't love yourself. I didn't tell her though. I couldn't talk. I just got up and left.

It's the first time we talked about surgery. I know she's against it, but if that what it takes to make me happy? I'm going for it. If the world ends in 2012, I want to at least have done this last thing for myself. I want to get this done. I made up my mind, and I'm going to save up for it.