Holiday season

Thinking back upon your life and reflecting upon your choices, is somehow the most troubling thing at all. There's times when you just wish you could go back and change something, anything, to make the outcome better, knowing what you know now. But then again, would you be the same person? If things didn't happen for a reason, and if they didn't happen to shape you, then why did they happen?

Some people say things happen for a reason, and I believe it does.

I'm not a great person. I have and I continue to do horrible things. I flirt with everyone. I play with peoples feelings. I stop talking to them when they bore or annoy me. I take up talking to them whenever I feel like it.

I have flaws, countless of flaws and I'm well aware. But not enough to do something about them. They're there, and they're a part of me. They shape me and make me who I am. Admittedly, that is not the right way to look at things, as your flaws should be something you strive to smoothen out.

But I don't care anymore.

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I keep hearing things. Reading things. People tell me things.
It bothers me, and it makes me wonder. Should I really just ignore all these flaws or should I do something about it? So maybe I could be the person to make them happy. Make him happy. Make her happy.
Alas, I know I can't. There's simply too much. And I know people who will smile at me and say that no fault is bigger than it can be fixed.
But you're wrong.
I'm too big an idiot to do right.
I'm too much of a failure to be a good person.
I can't make them happy.
I gave up trying.
Maybe that's the issue here, maybe I give up too easily.
But when the world is against you for six long years, what do you suspect from someone? That they miraculously live up and say 'hey, I'm alright'? 'I'll make it?' 'I've got the will to carry on?'
Do you expect them to crawl up from their hole of self pity to take on the responsibility of their own miserable life?
Do you?
No.
They can't do that.
They're weak people, the weakest.
I'm weak.