the edge

For the second or third time. It happened again. Or really, who's counting? Maybe it's been more. But this time it's final, I'm sure.
Dont write to me anymore, she said. Of course I respect that. I just wonder. Do I really mean that little to her? That she can just without warning tell me to piss the fuck off? I guess, in the end I wasn't more than a shoulder to cry on. Things seperated us, and while I was still in love with her she moved on. I mean come on! In the start of November she was all over me! And now what? Now she apparently has someone else and she doesn't love me anymore. It's weird. How people can forget things that fast. We used to be so close. We used to be just like twins. And now we're not together, not even as friends.

It's a shame.

It's a shame she can't make up her mind and it's a shame I can't be her friend. I'm not enough for her and in the end I never were. She kissed me and told me I was the only one for her, she promised me we should build a future together and someday we would live happily ever after.
Where did those dreams go? Did you bury them along with the person I used to know in you?
You're not the same, that much is clear. You're egoistic, ignorant, disrespectful and cold. You've grown to be so distant.
I want nothing but the best for you, so of course, I accept that you want me gone.
Everybody else wants me gone too.
I'm a burden to everyone. I pester them.
Bring them down.
I know all that. I know all what you can tell me I am. I know.
Don't you think it bothers me? Don't you think I wish I could be someone else? Be the idol everyone makes me out to be? The perfect human being? Don't you think I wish for that? Yearn for?

In the end, you're happy with whoever you're with now.
Things are okay for you.
I'm happy for that.

You're happy and I'm going to disappear for good.
In the end, this is the best solution.
For everyone.