be brave, be strong

I just want to sit in my room and cry

hang my head in shame 

and die

I keep telling people when they're down, that it gets better. You'll be happy, you'll be lucky. You're worth so much and you're loved. But when it comes to myself I just don't believe it. It's bullshit. When you've hit rock bottom, nothing gets better. You're stuck. And if you can't get out of the hole you're buried in, well good luck with life.

Ugh, I just. I keep getting this feeling, like every decision I make - it's the wrong one. I can't figure it out. I constantly make the same mistake.

I'm sick of it.

I'm sick of feelings.

I'm sick of being lonely.

I'm sick of being miserable, vague and idiotic.

I'm sick of being all the things that makes me, me.

I want to disappear.

I haven't had this great a wish for anything before. I really just want to disappear. End all this pain and misery. Get away from everyone and everything.

Die? I guess not. I wouldn't be able to kill myself. No matter how hard I tried. I know. But if I could take a pill of some sort. No pain, instant death.

I would.

I can't be strong no more. I was never that strong. I pretended, and I'm too weak now to pretend any longer..