Fuck it, everything. Why are you doing this to me? Is it some kind of revenge? Some silly game you hide behind? I don't know why I even bother. I should've forgotten about you when we broke up. It's been a year or so. But I'm still there, stuck where you left me. I tried to pick up the pieces, but ended up spreading them further. I just don't know how to handle the situation. I don't know what to do. It's lame. And now I've hurt someone else because I'm still hopelessly in love with you. I thought I could move on like you did. I tried, and I failed. Now there's two broken hearts. Why am I doing this. I should just quit it all. I gave up on love when we parted, and things still haven't changed. I know you wont pick me again and why would you? I fucked it all up. Everything. There's nothing changed about me. I'm still the same bastard I was thirteen months ago.
It's so weird, haha. I keep stalking you. Your facebook, your blogs. I keep reading them over and over, I keep being annoyed and sad and angry because of the things you write. I keep letting you provoke me, even though I'm sure you don't care about me in the end.
It was too much for me seeing you at Jpop. I think I caught your eye once. I tried to smile, I tried to be happy for you, but in the end, I think I couldn't manage. It hurt so much to see you laughing with all your friends. Surrounded by love. You've even got a new girlfriend now. And I'm just here, in the same place as your other ex, being bitter that she ain't me. I hung out with your ex at Jpop, did you notice? She's nice and all, I see why you would fall for her. But each time you were around, she started saying things like 'Oh my god, the idiot is around again' and 'someone I don't want to see is coming this way', and after some time I caught myself thinking 'I'm hopelessly in love with him too, why don't you just shut the fuck up and bite your tongue?'. Each time she looked away, I desperately tried to make you out in the crowd. Sighing each time, it was annoying.
I couldn't even think of anything else. Well, only one other person. I was hoping so much it would work out, but in the end you were right. It didn't. It was just a flirt that could never evolve. Perhaps it's because of my state of mind? Well, not only. Partially, it is, I know.
I'm a miserable, lonely little bastard and I'm desperate for love. But nothing works out and it annoys me. It makes me depressed and suicidal. I just want to disappear. Even just for a while, yea? I just want to float in nothingness and be no one. Nothing.
Right now I'm just an empty shell. Work fills out my day and when I get home in the evening I don't really have more energy to be sad. I'm just sitting there, in front of my computer and sigh in despair. I just want something to work out for once. I just want someone near me to hold me. Something that will work in the long run..
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